My primary school,
secondary school and high school were all in china, which took me more than 10
years. Studying in China is very stressful and tough, because there are a lot
of students in China, you need to face very intense and cruel completion in
order to go to an university. When I was in the high school, I need to get up
at 6:30 am every morning, and I couldn't leave school until 10 pm, you might
face 5 exams in one day, all the teachers would keep on giving your all
different kinds of homework, it was really a very very tough time for me. After
the high school, I chose to come to study in Singapore, I spent my first three
years in Nanyang Poly, compared with the life in China, it was much easier,
what we learnt in the class was straight forward, the homework was not that much and we would be busy only when the exams were coming. Luckily our
teachers will give hints for all exams. After Nanyang poly, I was admitted by
NUS, although I am still a freshmen here, I can feel a lot of stress is coming,
the people here are all very hard working, and the life here won’t be as easy as
the last three years. But I am still full of confidence, because I like a more
challenging life, which will train me better. That’s my learning journey so
far, and I am still on the way.
Hi Peng He, wow you have come a long way! Congrats to you!
ReplyDeleteComments on the essay:
I think your sentences are to long. The ideas can be broken down into a few sentences.
eg:
When I was in the high school, I need to get up at 6:30 am every morning, and I couldn't leave school until 10 pm, you might face 5 exams in one day, all the teachers would keep on giving your all different kinds of homework, it was really a very very tough time for me.
Hanisah,
DeleteVery good point. The sentences here are not just too long, but they are incorrectly connected together.
Wilbur,
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for sharing your learning journey with us. It is very interesting, and I am sure you truly appreciate your learning experiences in Singapore.
Content and organisation: This is a coherent piece of writing. You described your learning experience well, and the comparisons you drew between studying in China and Singapore is very interesting. This is a good piece of reflection indeed!
Language:
1. Think about the topic of the sentence. Is the subject ‘school’ correct?
My primary school, secondary school and high school were all in china, which took me more than 10 years.
2. Please do not just join sentences together with commas. Think about the use of commas and tenses in the following sentences:
i. Studying in China is very stressful and tough, because there are a lot of students in China, you need to face very intense and cruel completion in order to go to an university.
ii. When I was in the high school, I need to get up at 6:30 am every morning, and I couldn't leave school until 10 pm, you might face 5 exams in one day, all the teachers would keep on giving your all different kinds of homework, it was really a very very tough time for me.
iii. After the high school, I chose to come to study in Singapore, I spent my first three years in Nanyang Poly, compared with the life in China, it was much easier, what we learnt in the class was straight forward, the homework was not that much and we would be busy only when the exams were coming.
iv.After Nanyang poly, I was admitted by NUS, although I am still a freshmen here, I can feel a lot of stress is coming, the people here are all very hard working, and the life here won’t be as easy as the last three years. But I am still full of confidence, because I like a more challenging life, which will train me better. That’s my learning journey so far, and I am still on the way.
Thank you very much for your reply, here are the corrections:
Delete1. I have spent more 10 years on studying in the primary school, secondary school and high school in China.
2.
i. Studying in China was very stressful and tough. In order to go to an university, you need to face very intense and cruel completion because there are a lot of students in China.
ii. When I was in the high school, I need to get up at 6:30am every morning, and I couldn't leave school until 10pm. You might face 5 exams in one day. All the teachers would keep on giving you all different kinds of homework. It was really a very very tough time for me.
iii.After the high school, I chose to come to study in Singapore. I spent my first three years on Nanyang Poly. Compared with the life in China, it was much easier. What we learnt in the class was straight forward; the homework was not that much and we would be busy only when the exams were coming.
iv.After Nanyang poly, I was admitted by NUS. Although I am still a freshmen here, I can feel a lot of stress is coming. The people here are all very hard working, and the life here won’t be as easy as the last three years. But I am still full of confidence because I like a more challenging life, which will train me better. That’s my learning journey so far, and I am still on the way.